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Take a Peek Into the Wild Side
of Supplement Manufacturing


Cattle 'roids. They're not exactly my cup of tea. Somehow, the idea seems just a little too barbaric for me. Taking something that is designed to be fired into a bovine's ear, grinding it up, and either applying it to my thigh in conjunction with DMSO, or even injecting it is a route I just don't want to take. Besides, I don't eat cattle food, nor do we travel in the same social circles, so why should I use their drugs? Still, I'm sure that untold hundreds, if not thousands, of kamikaze bodybuilders around the country have or are currently using them.

The following article describes how one enterprising young bodybuilder approached the subject. You may or may not be interested in cattle steroids. Still, it makes interesting reading, regardless of your viewpoint. If you want to read it for entertainment value, I suggest you read the first third and the last third of the article. If, however, you really want to experiment with cattle 'roids, I suggest you read the middle third of the article, too, where you learn everything you've ever wanted to know about starting a cattle farm.


Southern California is the land of blonde babes with big boobs, year-round golden tans, and overall ultimate vanity. So Cali is also the land where anabolic steroids are disgustingly easy to get. Mexico is just to the south, and the supply coming out of Mexi is both plentiful and cheap.

    Su quiere Taco Bell? Yo quiero Sostenon-250 y Reforvit-B!!!

Last year, my company decided that paying rent to have an office next to the Pacific Blue was too ritzy for us. That, and a new CEO from the Midwest, meant the company was moving elsewhere. However, I was totally bummed when I found out we were moving to Covington, Kentucky. I had a choice to make: stay in So Cali and look for another job, or move my ass out to the land of trailer park trash and Jerry Springer guests. I chose to make the move.

Now, living in Bum-Fuck Egypt (my little euphemism for Covington, Kentucky) hasn't turned out to be too bad. There are plenty of young, farmer's daughters to...engage in deep, really deep, meaningful conversations, if you catch my drift. However, even though there's a Gold's Gym just over yonder from where I live (no, I don't live in a double-wide trailer—I have a house), there just ain't no anabolic steroids to be found. And if you do find them, you end up paying $300 for a 10-ml bottle of testosterone cypionate.

I mean, these slack-jawed, inbred hick-types just don't really seem to care about being 240-pound sides of beef. The only beef they care about is their heads of cattle.

So while there ain't really none of them-there human-type anabolic steroids to be found, there are a ton of them-there cattle-implant steroid pellets readily available. Of course, the toothless hicks ain't got much of a clue on how to use them or why anyone would want to use them for anything outside of cranking them into Bessie the Cow's ear, but that's not the point. The point is that it's fairly easy to purchase steroidal cattle implants out here in Kentucky. No prescription is needed, and they ain't a controlled substance...yet. So you really can't get in too much trouble with Sheriff Bubba if he happens to pull you over for speeding in your Hot Rod Lincoln, even if you've got crates of steroid cattle pellets in your backseat. The local sheriff won't give a dang. Sure, he'll haul you in for speeding, but not for the pellets. How do I know? It happened to me (more on this later).

I ran out of Mexican gear about six months after the banishment to Bum-Fuck Egypt. Seeing as my only local option was the pellets, I reckon that all I had to do was call a vet or farm supply store. This, however, is not the ideal way to go. I called three different vet supply stores, and they asked quite a few questions that I couldn't answer. If you can't answer the questions correctly or at all, they ain't going to ship you any steroid pellets.

To help my fellow gearheads with this endeavor, I am enclosing a handy-dandy little guide about cattle implant pellets. If you want to buy cattle implant pellets, you might consider studying this-here stuff extensively so you'll be able to answer all of the questions they ask you.


The Ins and Outs of Cattle Implants

Growth-promoting implants have been used extensively in beef production for over 30 years. Significant changes in implants and implanting strategies have occurred. Prior to 1987, all available implants were estrogenic agents which metabolically enhanced nutrient use to enhance growth. These products improved feed efficiency 5-10 percent and facilitated daily gains from 5-15 percent.

In 1987, the androgenic (tissue-building) agent trenbolone acetate was approved for use in growth-promoting implants. This compound had an additive effect when combined with existing estrogenic implants. The androgenic implant enhanced muscle growth and added an additional 2-3 percent to the feed efficiency and 3-5 percent to the daily gains. The return on implant investment varies, but only in rare situations do implants return less than $5 for every $1 spent. Implants are available for all cattle, with the exception of calves less than 45 days old and most breeding cattle. Proper scheduling and use of implants should return in excess of $10 for every $1 spent.

Today, implants have evolved almost to the point of becoming designer products with varied doses and combinations of estrogenic and/or androgenic agents. While implants tend to be most effective in feedyards, implanting strategies have been effectively applied to other beef production situations. The growth-promoting implants approved for use in the United States are extremely safe; safe not only for the cattle, but for beef producers who use the products and for the consumers who consume the beef. In fact, there's no mandatory withdrawal time for any of the approved implants available in the United States.

Cattle must have adequate nutrition before implants can positively influence feed efficiency and gain. The greatest response to implants tends to be observed in older cattle, near peak periods of lean tissue deposition. Typically, these would be yearling cattle consuming high levels of high-energy feed.

Estrogenic implants increase the circulating levels of somatotropin (ST) and insulin-like growth factor-1 (IGF-1). Both of these substances are produced by the animal and have a marked effect on how nutrients are used by the animal to produce muscle, bone, and fat. The approved androgenic agent, trenbolone acetate (TBA), doesn't seem to stimulate the production of ST, but does significantly increase the circulating levels of IGF-1, along with decreasing the normal loss of muscle tissue in sedentary animals. The exact level of implant response is associated with the amount and quality of nutrients available and the level of implant growth promotant circulating in the animal.

When growth-promoting implants are first placed in the animal, there's a rapid release of hormone from the implant. The level of growth promotant being released from the implant will begin to fall after a few days but will remain above an effective growth-stimulating level, or threshold, for a varying length of time. The threshold level will depend on the pharmaceutical design of the implant and the technique used when administering the implant placement.

Reimplanting, the administration of an additional implant, is usually scheduled to coincide with the declining level of circulating implant growth promotant. The optimum reimplant time is referred to as the reimplant window. For maximum benefit, it's important to maintain the level of implant growth promotant above threshold throughout the ownership of the stocker or feeder animal. The length of time an implant releases growth promotant above threshold—the payout—varies considerably from implant to implant.

Because implant growth promotants interact with the production of hormones produced by the animal, they haven't been recommended or approved for use in breeding cattle or calves less than 45 days of age.

The estrogenic implants approved for use in suckling calves will improve weaning weights 3-5 percent. Similar performance improvements can be seen in pastured stocker cattle when the base gain is above 1.5 pounds per day.

Previously implanted cattle are of concern to cattle buyers who take advantage of the compensatory gain potential of cattle. Producers should receive a premium equivalent to the loss of production to consider not implanting suckling calves or stocker cattle.

In feeder cattle, estrogenic growth-promoting implants improve feed efficiency and gain 5-15 percent. Implants that include TBA can provide an additional 3-5 percent improvement in feed efficiency and daily gain. A properly designed reimplant program can sustain implant-associated improved performance beyond the payout that would be expected for a single implant.

For estrogenic implants used in yearling cattle that are fed typical Nebraska feedlot rations, at least a $5 return above the cost of the implant can be expected for each $1 price of a bushel of corn. Adding TBA to an estrogen implant system will return an additional $2 above the cost of the implant for each $1 price of a bushel of corn. For example, if corn costs $3 per bushel, an estrogenic implant would return approximately $15. Implants containing TBA would return approximately $21 when used in cattle fed $3 corn.

While cull cows are not typical feeders, limited data suggests that they respond to implants at or above the level of younger feeder animals, especially to TBA. Most cull cows are not fed long enough to consider a reimplanting program.

Regulations governing the use of implants are set by the US Food and Drug Administration (FDA). Always read and follow the manufacturer's directions before implanting any cattle.

The only approved location for implant administration is the middle third of the backside of the ear. All implants must be located within this area. If part of the ear has been lost because of frostbite or injury, the implant should be placed in the last third of the ear. This should place the implant outside the cartilage ring at the base of the ear. Implants should never be placed in locations other than the ear.

The loss of implants before payout can be avoided if the implants are properly located in a dry ear with a clean implanting needle. If the ear is wet, it should be dried before implanting. If the ear is covered with wet manure or mud, the filth should be scraped or washed off and the ear dried. The needle should be cleaned between each animal with a diluted disinfectant. If the needle slips over the surface of the ear, it should be cleaned before continuing. The tissue irritation caused by an undiluted disinfectant can cause the expulsion of an implant or the formation of scar tissue which could interfere with the effective release of growth promotant from the implant. Care should be taken when selecting an implant needle cleaning solution. One ounce of chlorhexidine, the blue disinfectant, per gallon of water is an effective implant needle cleaning solution, while alcohol is not. Some feedyards coat the cleaned implanting needle with an approved, non-irritating antibiotic between animals as an additional safeguard to help prevent implant site infections.


Available Implants in the United States

Ralgro?

Synovex-C?

Calfoid?

Revalor-G?

Magnum?

Compudose?

Synovex-S?

Implus-S?

Revalor-S?

Finaplix-S?

Synovex-H?

Implus-H?

Revalor-H?

Finaplix-H?

Synovex Plus?

It's important to implant cattle as soon as practical. In suckling calves, the traditional branding time in Nebraska provides an excellent opportunity to implant and vaccinate most of the calves in the herd. Prior to bull turnout, the preferred procedures include vaccination with subcutaneously administered, modified live four-way viral and clostridial vaccines. Furthermore, calves older than 45 days old should be implanted with a product designed for suckling calves. It's important not to implant replacement heifers and never implant bull calves intended to be kept for breeding purposes unless strict adherence to manufacturer's directions are followed.

Calves at weaning not intended for breeding should be implanted again with a more aggressive implant. The feeder implant can be either an estrogenic implant or a combination estrogenic-trenbolone implant. It appears to be important to finish the feeding period with the most potent implant selected in the implanting program Therefore, if a combination estrogenic-trenbolone implant is selected as the first implant, it should be used again in subsequent implantings. If an estrogenic implant without trenbolone is selected as the first implant, a similar product can be selected for subsequent implanting or an estrogenic-trenbolone implant may be selected.

Reimplant schedules should be developed to reflect the targeted finish date, the historic grade price spreads, the genetic potential of the cattle, and the feeding program available. From the projected finish date, reimplanting should be scheduled by back-calculating the payout days of the last implant intended for use.

For example, if 550-pound medium to large-frame weaned steer calves enter the feedyard the first of October, an estrogenic product such as Magnum, Synovex-S, or Implus-S can be selected as the initial implant. If the cattle are projected to gain three pounds per day and be marketed at 1,100 pounds, the estimated sale date would be the first two weeks of April. Back-calculating the 120-day payout of a combination estrogenic-trenbolone implant from the middle of April, reimplanting would be scheduled for the middle to the end of December.

Although no special ration considerations are needed for maximal implant performance, it's important to feed a balanced high-quality ration. All approved feed additives used in an approved manner are appropriate to consider in a feeding program for implanted cattle. Performance improvements associated with approved feed medications are additive to the expected performance improvements from implants.

Heavy carcass weight can be a problem when feeding large-frame exotic long yearlings. Typically, implanted cattle will be heavier when finished and with the same quality grade as non-implanted cattle. Weight discounts in the magnitude of 15 percent of the carcass value can be applied to carcasses that weighed over 950 pounds or live cattle that weighed over 1,500 pounds. This problem can be minimized if cattle start on feed at a lighter weight, using only estrogenic implants or targeting the finishing to achieve the select grade instead of choice grade.

Poor yield grades have been reported in heifers implanted with combination estrogenic-trenbolone implants and concurrently fed the feed additive melengestrerol acetate (MGA). These observations were made in studies designed to evaluate the benefits of a combination implant. It's likely that the heifers were overfed. It's important in any feedlot management program to evaluate cattle near their target finishing date, and market the cattle as soon as the cattle reach the most economical degree of finish.

Using growth-promoting implants is one of the most cost effective methods of enhancing cattle gain and efficiency of gain. Implants enhance protein deposition while diminishing fat accretion. Properly designed implant programs should take into account animal age, sex, weight, breed, and market objectives. Meat and animal products from cattle implanted with growth promotants are as safe and acceptable as comparable products derived from nonimplanted cattle.

So you're asking, "Billie Bob, why do I have to know all this information?" Good question there, fellow gymfolk. Unless you're looking to get a job as a waitress in the local Hooters, y'all don't want to be using the implants that have any progesterones or estrogens in them. There ain't no easy way to remove the estrogens and progesterones from the androgens. This-here information limits you to using one of them-there Finiplix types of implant pellets which just contains trenbolone acetate. Now, trenbolone acetate is one heck of an anabolic steroid. Remember Parabolan? It has an ester of trenbolone in it, and gymfolk went mad-cow crazy over it when it was available. It is about thrice as anabolic as plain ol' testosterone is on a unit per unit measure. So, if you're like Billie Bob and are used to using around 750 mg of testosterone suspension in a week, y'all will find that you can get by on about 250 mg of trenbolone acetate in a week with results that are pretty close to what you'd be getting with the testosterone suspension.

There's another reason why you should consider knowing all that-there information cold turkey. Nobody in the cattle business uses plain trenbolone acetate on their heads of cattle. See, them-there farmer types don't really care if their cattle develop estrogenic side effects. Besides, using an estrogen or a progesterone with an androgen means that the cattle will yield more meat, which is what all them-there farmer types want. So, if you don't want to raise any eyebrows, it's best to buy some Implus-S or Synovex-S pellets to go along with your Finiplix-H pellets, because that's how them farmers would do it. And you want them supply houses to think you're a cattleman, right?

There's also the possibility that the person at the supply store may engage you in some chit-chat. These folks might sound dumb, but you can be sure they're pretty sharp when it comes to animal husbandry. So knowing the language and how the pellets are supposed to be used can come in handy.

So now you're all set and ready to get some implant pellets. How do you get them? Billie Bob tried calling a few different supply stores after he learned all the stuff mentioned above. Like I said before, these supply house workers ain't dumb. You can't order this stuff very easily over the phone. They will, for sure, ask you a lot of questions, and they'll want to send a Hoescht-Roussell (fine makers of the Finiplix line) company man to your farm to make sure you really have cattle. Nope. Sorry, the phone call method just ain't gonna' work for you.

What you need to do is travel to one of the farm or vet supply stores. You need to show up in person. You're best bet is to look like a cattleman or a farmer. Billie Bob chose to wear a pair of tan, Carhart bibs, a flannel shirt, work boots, and a baseball cap that had a John Deere logo on it. Showing up in spandex shorts and a string tank top is a bad idea. You probably could do the cowboy thing with a pair of tight Wranglers, Dingo boots, and a 10-gallon hat, though.

All you need to do is meander on up to the counter and ask for your pellets. Billie Bob asked for Implus-S pellets first, and then said, "Oh, yeah, I reckon I'll also be needing them-there Finiplix-H pellets, too, along with an implant gun." The counterman asked how many of each I wanted, and then asked for some identification. If you can get a fake driver's license, now's the time to do it. If not, you'll be buying them in your real name, which Billie Bob suspects is not a real big deal.

My purchase was for ten boxes of the Finiplix-H and five boxes of the Implus-S. My total cost for the whole deal was $4,200. Now, hold on there, and don't have a cow. Ten boxes of Finiplix-H contain 100 cartons of pellets, and each carton contains 100 pellets. So $4,200 done got me 10,000 pellets that each contain 20 mg of trenbolone acetate per pellet. That-there's a whole lot of androgen! You might only want a box or so of each. A single box if Finiplix-H (ten cartons of 100 pellets, or 1,000 total pellets) is about $350 or so. Yeah, you'll be fixin' to throw away the Implus-S pellets. Consider it a safety tax.

I decided just to crush up the pellets with a mortar and pestle, and then I dumped the powder into DMSO—the handy transdermal carrier that everyone knows about. Billie Bob has been using 60 mg of trenbolone acetate in DMSO applied to his thighs (three pellets worth) every day for the last month, and the results are pretty dang amazing. What y'all do with them pellets is your own business, far as Billie Bob is concerned.

On my way home from the supply store, I was speeding down one of the roads in my Lincoln Continental (yes, hotrod Lincoln!). One of the deputy sheriffs pulled me over for speeding, and he saw my implant pellets in plain view. Good ol' Billie Bob was sweating bullets thinking that the law was going to take his pellets and arrest his sorry ass. Nope. Not the case here in Kentucky. The deputy didn't have anything to say about the pellets, but he did write me a $100 ticket for speeding.

If you don't reside in your own version of Bum-Fuck Egypt, it's unlikely that you'll be able to get the pellets the way that I make mention. But if you do live somewhere in the Midwest, the heartland of America, and you can't obtain human anabolics from anyone in your gym, or if they want some high-falutin' price for gear (like six bucks for a single Anadrol-50 tablet), then these-here pellets offer an economic solution for you. Remember, Billie Bob don't think them-there pellets is against the law for us gymfolk...not yet, anyway.

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